One man.

One plane.

And lots of SNAKES.

Samuel L. Jackson: “We got motherfuckin’ SNAKES ON A PLANE!”

I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THIS MOVIE.

For now, the imagined trailer, courtesy of the very funny jim-1000 on imdb:

New Line Logo flashes up on screen.

(Sounds of a plane taking off and a snake hissing)

Cut to: montage of religious imagery (crosses, crown of thorns, serpents, etc)

Voiceover guy: “In 2004, a film was released depicting the final hours of one of the world’s most powerful icons.”

(Words like “Faith”, “Sacrifice”, and “God” flash on the screen)

Voiceover guy: “His journey, his pain, his sacrifice…helped millions of movie-goers to reconnect with their faith.”

Voiceover guy: “But…however great his suffering – that man never had to deal with…”

Cut to: Samuel L. Jackson standing in the cockpit of the plane holding a microphone.

Sam: “We got SNAKES ON A PLANE!!!!!”

Quick cuts of snakes exploding out of overhead bins, a boa wrapping itself around the pilot’s head.

Cut to: A snake slithering up the back of a seat and through the cushions.

That Fat Albert guy screams: “Something just bit my *beep* ass!”

Cut to: Hottie flight attendant and Jackson standing in the galley.

Hottie Flight Attendant: “How are we going to kill them?!”

Sam Jackson: “You got any of those coach meals left?”

Cut to: An arrogant looking rich white guy is using the bathroom. He sees something in the blue water. He leans to look into the toilet and a snake bursts out of the water to rip his throat out.

Cut to: Sam kicking a snakes head into a first-class video monitor (which is showing the film “Anaconda”) and destroying it.

Cut to: The hottie flight attendant (now only partially clothed) and Sam Jackson (shirtless) find an area filled with hundreds of eggs.

Hottie Flight attendant: “What are those things?”

Sam Jackson: “You ever hear of the mile high club?”

Cut to: Sam, bruised and bloody jumping into the baggage area. He screams “Let’s roll, bitches!” (overhead shot). As he falls, he’s firing twin Uzis at hundreds of snakes that fill the area beneath him.

Voiceover guy: “In 2006. Terror has been carried on.”

Cut to: Sam Jackson trying to do something with the landing gear. A massive snake rises behind him. (Snakes POV) as Sam turns around and punches it.

TITLE: “Snakes on a Plane”

TRAILER GUY: SNAKES ON A PLANE.

CUT TO: An old senile white woman sitting in first class.

Old senile white woman: “Why are they allowed to have snakes on the plane?! They didn’t even let me bring my little Walter into the cabin!”

Cut to: Cargo area. A tiny dog (Walter) barking in a cage as a python smashes its head through it.

CUT TO: 2006.

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