Yesterday, I was driving to Wellington and absentmindedly changing the stations on the radio. When I was on Oldies 103, I heard some nice r&b instrumental music, and that’s what I like, so I started listening to that. And then it segued into a voice singing, “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire….”

Hell, no!

It’s no secret that I’m not a big fan of Christmas. There are plenty of reasons for that, including the stress it causes, the money-draining it does, and all the annoying things it causes, like being unable to get a parking spot at the mall, GODAWFUL CHRISTMAS MUSIC playing ALL THE FREAKING TIME, and kids getting selfish and spoiled.

It’s also because every year, my mom has had a freak-out on Christmas, going into some kind of screaming/crying hysterics that vary each year. She’s doing better now, though. Last year wasn’t that bad, and now that she has Mark, I think things will be going better. But it’s been so bad, and it makes me dread Christmas every year. I can’t even relax, knowing that something bad is going to happen. My mom always used to have the freak-outs on her birthday, Mother’s Day, her mother’s birthday, her mother’s death day, all that stuff.

And I love my glee club, and I always will, but having to spend months each year preparing Christmas repertoire was excruciating. I hate Christmas music. It’s awful. One year when I worked at CVS, I counted exactly six different jazzed-up variations of “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town.” I hate Santa songs the most — why do adults sing them? (Of course, that makes me a bit of a hypocrite, seeing that I performed “Santa, Baby” in the glee club’s Christmas Pops concert last year.)

I’ll listen to Baroque Christmas music only. Nothing else.

And I really love giving gifts, and picking out the gifts that would be perfect for my friends and family, but it’s just too stressful to have to do it all at once, plus the wrapping and wondering whether the other person got you a gift of the same caliber. I think the stress cancels out the fun of giving. As for receiving gifts, I honestly couldn’t care less. It’s nice, of course, but it’s not like I look forward to it like I did when I was little….

Plus, since I was around 11 and did my first mall trip WITHOUT PARENTS with Amanda (that was such a great day, I remember it so well!), I have loved the mall. Whether I actually buy stuff, I love being at the mall and especially bookstores, spending hours trying on clothes or reading books or just exploring and seeing what’s on sale. And now it’s going to be about two months before it’ll be normal again. (My new schedule may help, but who knows?)

Honestly, I just want to get through this holiday….I’m thinking of working on Christmas. It’s TRIPLE PAY. Which comes out to an extremely nice rate per hour. I may get it, I may not. Hopefully I will.

Are there any thoughts? I can’t be the only one who feels this way.

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