My coworker Peter is a huge U2 fan — he’s seen them 11 times so far, I believe. And you know that when fans get like that, they’ll do some crazy things. Take this: Peter is now going to Hawaii for only a few days, just to see U2. He leaves tomorrow.

A U2 concert is a huge event, no matter where or when, but there are even more major events going on in Hawaii this week. The Hawaii Marathon is taking place, and so is a big surfing competition, as well as another even that I can’t remember. As a result, nearly every hotel on Oahu is booked, and he had to resort to the Big Surf. While being one of the most budget-friendly options on the island, it comes at a price.

I present you with a glowing review, posted with the title “CAUTION! Proof that duct tape can not fix everything!”. This is what shows up when you google the hotel:

As soon as you slip through the iron security gate into the “lobby” of this hotel you will question your decision to stay there. The hotel is lavishly decorated with landfill rescued furniture and duct tape. As you board the elevator make sure to get out of the way of the elevator door…it does not reverse if it shuts on you. The rooms do NOT have air conditioning or telephones. The bedding is filthy with holes and stains in the sheets. Do not plan on using the mini fridge and micro. The microwave was very disgusting with an unhealthy aroma. The mini fridge was actually spray painted. When I first went into my room it was flooded with a few inches of water which the management “mopped” up with the raggedy bath towels from the bathroom. The insect population is booming in the guest rooms and will leave you itching and scratching for weeks. I would have gladly paid a lot more to stay anywhere else (including a public restroom) but everything was booked. The only available hotel…”The Big Surf”….it had vacancy for good reason. Most people just do not want to experience sleeping in a dumpster!

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But it’s not as good as this next one:

The first night I came back to my room, I turned on the lights and a hundred roaches scattered in every direction. It took me an hour to kill as many as I could and literally fill the toilet with dead ones. It only got worse. I came to my room on 2nd night and found a huge rat, the size of a squirrel, eating it’s way into my luggage. When I turned on the lights, we were both taken by surprise, and the thing went nuts! It ran all over the room and I finally chased it down the hallway and it disappeared. I don’t know how it got into the room. It certainly could not fit under the door. Maybe the maidservice let it in? Then, what was even worse, when I reported it to the front desk, they did not act surprised at all. They said, “you pay for what you get.” “What?”, I said, “Where I am from, you get 2 nice clean beds and a swimming pool for $50.” I asked for my money back, but they pretended that I was hostile, and they called the police and had me evicted. To think that the thing was probably crawling around in my room while I was asleep. I’ve heard, where there’s one, there’s more. It was certainly true with the roaches, and I am sure it was true with the rats as well. That thing could have taken off an arm with only a few bites. I feel sorry for anyone who unknowingly stays at this “Rat-Hole!” You could not pay me to stay there again. Doesn’t Honolulu have a Health Department? Gross!!!

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Good luck, Peter! Hopefully you won’t come back with rabies….

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