A bunch of things came to head as I was walking home from work today, so I want to post them.

How funny are the lyrics to R. Kelly’s new song “I’m a Flirt”? People always give me crap for liking him, but I just love his music, and when it’s campy, it’s fucking FANTASTIC (“Trapped in the Closet,” anyone?). Anyways, here’s the chorus:

Soon as I see her walk up in the club I’M A FLIRT
Winkin’ her eyes at me when I roll up on them dubs I’M A FLIRT
Sometimes when I’m with my chick on the low I’M A FLIRT
And when she’s with her man lookin’ at me, damn right, I’M A FLIRT
So homie, don’t bring your girl to meet me cause I’M A FLIRT
And baby, don’t bring your girlfriend to eat cause I’M A FLIRT
Please believe it, unless your game is tight and you trust her —

I saw on the main page of iTunes that they had 25 audiobooks under $5.00. For someone who rides the T as much as I do, that’s a great investment. I’ve never really listened to an entire audiobook, but I’m intrigued. And I saw that one of them was “Under the Tuscan Sun.” I’ve seen the movie (I LOVED it), and you would have thought with the number of travel memoirs that I read that I would have read that by now — but I haven’t! I’ve never gotten around to it.

So I’m thinking that it’s perfect, that I’ll get it, and so I click on the preview.

And I’m aghast.

The narrator has the thickest Southern twang. As someone who wants to move to Texas in a few years, I probably shouldn’t hate the sound of that, but I DO!! Ugh! It probably wouldn’t be as terrible if the speaker didn’t have that fake enthusiasm that sounds so artificial. So she’s narrating, and then mentions an Italian man who kisses her hand and says, “Della casa.”

Pronounced “Dellah cassa.”

Not DAY-la KA-za, the way he would have pronounced it if he were actually Italian! She has no excuse — it would have been different if she had been reading a menu, but she was repeating what he said phonetically! Come ON! Did that really not make it past an Italian-speaking editor?

It drives me CRAZY whenever I see errors, no matter what language they’re in. YOU LIVED IN ITALY, FRANCES MAYES — you should know how to pronounce the word CASA!