When it comes to Dancing with the Stars, it seems that the bad outweighs the good — but I can’t stop watching it! What is wrong with me?! Here is what I can’t stand about the show:

–The hosts. Tom Bergeron is cringe-worthily embarrassing, and Samantha Harris must be just about the worst host on prime time TV. At least Tom cracks a half-decent joke once in a while. Samantha speaks unnaturally from her diaphragm and doesn’t even make sense most of the time. She also doesn’t listen to a single word her interviewees say. Why is she still on the show?!

–The obvious fact that everyone points out: these “stars” are not stars at all. You’d think that going into their fourth season, they’d be able to snag someone who was actually famous. (Though Jerry Springer was actually pretty good, and Heather Mills pleased us celebrity gossip fans.)

–The filler on the shows, particularly the results show, is the worst on any TV show. I watched the results show ONCE this year — the episode when they brought in a psychic and a clairvoyant to analyze the contestants’ auras. Yeah. For an hourlong episode.

–The music selection is terrible and often doesn’t even make sense. If you look at past seasons, when the music was particularly bad, a talented contestant left before his or her time, due to horrible music selection. Some examples: Vivica A. Fox’s paso doble to Bon Jovi’s “It’s My Life” and Willa Ford’s rhumba to The Police’s “Every Breath You Take.” If you watch closely, the weird song selections often relate to the contestant who gets kicked off — also known as the producers’ least favorite.

(I was in the ballroom dance club for a year at Fairfield, and in that time, I learned the basics of most of the dances that they do on the show, and I learned how to pick up the best dance suited to any song on the radio. I would love to see a mambo to Jay-Z’s “Show Me What You Got,” a tango to Justin Timberlake’s “My Love,” a cha-cha to Stevie Wonder’s “You Are the Sunshine of my Life” or “Don’t You Worry Bout a Thing” or Outkast’s “Hey Ya,” and a rhumba to just about any of the hits by Bach Bacharach. I’m listening to “I Wanna Sex You Up” right now (don’t judge!) and that would almost work as a samba. I only wish they did the hustle on this show!)

–Also, relating to the last post, it’s obvious who the producer’s favorites are. They get normal music selections. Last season, when the music was at its weirdest, Mario Lopez got to dance a rhumba to a great traditional Latin song and a tango to a gorgeous Italian-sounding song with violins, when Joey Lawrence was stuck tango-ing to the Addams Family theme song. And when Joey Fat One was in the bottom two two weeks ago, the hosts kept reminding us about how SHOCKING that was about once every two and a half minutes on the next week’s show. Obviously, he sailed through to the next round.

–The Red State vote is alive and well in this show: country singer (and prominent Republican activist) Sara Evans was the worst dancer besides Jerry Springer, yet never once landed in the bottom three. She was actually endorsed by a prominent Republican politician — I can’t remember whom — who told his contingent to vote for her on the show, as she embodied positive values. Of course, just a few weeks later, she and her husband were involved in a nasty, headline-grabbing, he said-she said divorce battle, each accusing the other of cheating. And they have three young children. Nice values.

–It’s painful how much it gay-ifies the straight guys. I was rooting for Joey Lawrence last season, but it was too uncomfortable to watch him cuddling his wife and baby, then having absolutely NO chemistry whatsoever with his partner during a sexy rhumba. The navy blue satin sailor suit didn’t help, either.

–Also, I don’t like Edyta Slawinska. In every dance she does, she shows off like crazy, extending one of her insanely long legs at least once in each dance. It makes the guys look bad by comparison. (To be fair, Cheryl Burke and Julianne Hough are wonderful at bringing out the best in their partners and making it difficult to tell which one is the professional!)

That all being said, I enjoy the dancing. And except for navy blue sait sailor suits, I enjoy the costumes. I’m rooting for Laila this season, with Apolo for second place. And for me to root for a girl on ANY reality show, that’s a very big thing. I love Laila. (Could easily make a joke here, but I will not, because she is a classy woman with very large arms!)

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