Let me begin this entry with a bit of a disclaimer. I have never used any products for cellulite in my life, nor have I ever used moisturizer on anything more than my face and hands. I’ve never touched an allover moisturizer.

Consequently, my experience with this product might be affected by the fact that I’ve never tried anything else. I don’t have a control subject with me!

Anyways, I guess it began with the self-tanning debacle that left trails of dark down the white bottoms of my arms and legs. That look was not good, and it was achieved with CVS-brand “fine mist sunless.” For my next round, I decided to finally buy some of that Jergens sunless tanning moisturizer that darkens your skin gradually.

This was a HUGE product last year — it was so popular, it flew off the shelves! Now, this year, it’s widely available. I came across it when I was in CVS, and I noticed that there were two kinds — regular and firming. The firming kind cost a dollar more, and I purchased it right then and there.

Cellulite, that cottage cheese-like fat that lives on your thighs, affects nearly all women — I think something like 98% of women have it. In women’s skin, there is a layer above fat that is shaped like cylindrical tubules. The fat pushes through these tubules and pokes out the top, resulting in a lumpy appearance.

Men do not have this.

Cellulite is not directly related to your weight. It’s true that heavier women almost always have it, but many thin women have it pretty badly as well. Katherine Heigl and Mischa Barton are two of the more prominent examples.

I also have it very badly — worse than anyone else I know. I haven’t worn shorts or a short skirt in public in close to two years because of it. Also, although thighs and butt are the main locations, as they are on all women, I have it in my arms, calves and especially on my stomach. It’s pretty bad.

So I bought this lotion with the purpose of getting a healthy tan, and I ended up with so much more.

I showered at night and put the lotion on. The next day, I noticed how nice and smooth my skin was everywhere — like on my back and other places where I have NEVER moisturized!

And then I noticed that everything felt firm. It still looked dimpled like the hills of Umbria, but it really felt….different. I told myself that I was probably imagining it and mistaking smoothness for firmness.

But a few days later, I noticed an unbelievable change in my stomach. My stomach was one of the lumpiest parts of my body, unless I pushed it out all the way (which was not an attractive look, let me tell you that!). But now? Oh, my God. It’s smooth. It’s not lumpy at all. I keep feeling it and feeling it to see if it’s real, if this is really happening! I wish I had before and after pictures. It’s still a little bit lumpy if I suck it in all the way, but the difference is visually striking.

You HAVE TO GET THIS.

I think I understand it better now. There is no cure for cellulite — but creams like this CAN make a difference. Creams won’t get rid of it completely, but they can make a sizable dent (no pun intended). Maybe it’s working so well because I’m still pretty young. Maybe it’s working so well because I’ve never tried anything else. I’m not sure.

Just know that you need to get this lotion. Be sure you get the FIRMING kind — though I’m sure you know that by now!

And I’m actually considering buying a pair of shorts for the first time since high school!!

About the weight loss thing too, I’ve recently made the decision to go off elective meds that have prevented me from losing weight. There are a lot of pros and cons to this, but I’ve decided that going off the meds will give me more benefits than staying on them.

I’ve been on them since before I moved to Somerville, and it was so weird to be suddenly walking a few miles a day, eating right and GAINING WEIGHT like crazy instead of losing it!! But now, between being off the meds, walking a few miles a day and eating right, I’ll finally be able to lose this weight, and hopefully look somewhat like how I did before I went abroad to Florence. And hopefully my sister will stop calling me Heavy K and bringing up fat jokes whenever I walk into the room.

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