The left side of the escalator is for those who walk up the stairs.

The right side is for the tired, the relaxed, those with children, the disabled and the LAZY FUCKS WHO SHOULD BE STANDING THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE, BUT INSTEAD INSIST ON STANDING ON THE LEFT AND HOLDING UP ALL THE PEOPLE WHO MOVE AT A NORMAL PACE. In short, if you don’t want to walk up the escalator, DO NOT stand on the left side.

The Brits get it right. All over the Underground in London, there are signs everywhere directing people to stand on the right side and let the walkers ascend the left side.

Now, that makes sense. I love the tube, and the signs and announcements are as witty and charming as the Brits themselves.

Why can’t we have what they have? It’s not like I’m asking for sweet accents or universal healthcare. I only want those signs encouraging people to stand on the right.

You could argue that if I have such a problem with it, I should leave home earlier. Well, it bugs me even when I’m not running late, even when I have nowhere to be in particular. This is about efficiency, and it’s also about common courtesy.

I usually don’t get upset about this when it’s not rush hour. When hardly any people are around, it’s more than acceptable to stand anywhere (assuming you don’t block the escalator completely), to lounge across two or more seats, to stand in front of a turnstile, holding a Charliecard, mystified as to what to do with it.

NOT DURING RUSH HOUR.

Do your thing — just stay the hell out of my way.

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