The Current Best of Overheard in New York Wednesday, Mar 5 2008 

And Relieve You of All Unwanted Currency

Sales clerk: Can I help you with anything?
Depressed girl: I just want to find the nearest window to jump out of.
Sales clerk: I can escort you to the highest point of the store.

–Toys ‘R’ Us, 42nd St

They’ll Have Their Own Reality Series within a Week

Girl #1: Okay, let’s go around the table and tell horrible hook-up stories.
Girl #2: Can anything top the time I woke up stark-naked in London after a night partying in New York?
Girl #3: No one can top that. Unless you consider the time I stole a guy’s car in the middle of the night so I wouldn’t have to do the walk of shame.
Girl #4: Don’t forget the part where you wrecked it and went to jail…

–Spice Market, 13th & 9th

Where Have You Been?

Drunk, to queer: Fag!
Queer: … Dad?

–14th & 8th

Shut Up, T!

Old lady: My grandson Brad and his Jewish wife had a baby.
Old man: That’s very nice. And they’re all doing well?
Old lady: I guess.
Old man: What is the baby’s name?
Old lady: I don’t know. Some long Jewish name.
Teenager: They named her ‘Amy,’ Grandma. Her name is Amy.

The United Nations, Encapsulated

Dude #1: They have been underestimating my power.
Dude #2: What?
Dude #1: They have been underestimating my power for quite some time now.
Dude #2: What are you, a supervillain? Who’s been underestimating your power? The justice league?
Dude #1: No, the electric company. They say I owe them eight hundred dollars.
Dude #2: Dude, you and I were having two totally different conversations.

–Penn Station

And my personal favorite:

Unassailable Logic: A NYC Short Story

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, our train cannot proceed because of the passenger on the tracks.
Young black dude: If he is on the tracks, he is not a passenger. Let’s go!

–N train

Quote of the Day Thursday, Jan 31 2008 

“You’re a good-lookin’ girl, but you’re a cunt!”
–Random hobo to my sister, after she refused his request for cash

Quote of the Day — and Starbucks Adventure Monday, Jan 14 2008 

“You know people who have that gene for them to hate broccoli?  Well, they also have the same gene for hating sugar-free mocha.  I’m positive of it.  Don’t you think so?”
–Davis Square Starbucks barista

After the very friendly barista at my local Starbucks — one whom I didn’t recognize — asked this question, she began to go on and on about how different people have different genes that have them like and dislike certain flavors.

There were two people waiting at the counter for their drinks.  The guy was sipping from a little sample cup.

“Tastes like Dimetapp,” he said.

“Are you kidding?!” I cried.  “Dimetapp is the BEST THING EVER!  I used to look forward to getting sick when I was little, just so I could take some Dimetapp!”

“Now,” said the barista, “what you’re drinking is sugar-free mocha syrup and milk.  That’s it.”

“Ugh, it’s awful!” the guy and his friend yelled.

“Okay,” the barista said, “now that we’re talking about it, you two” — she pointed to me and another guy — “have to try some.”

It was exactly as she said — sugar-free mocha syrup and milk.  And, although I had hardly sense of smell (I’m much better today but still not well), I tried it, and it wasn’t that bad.  It was like chocolate milk made with the store-brand version of Hershey’s syrup.

Definitely not Dimetapp, though.

Not bad.  Not bad.

Heart-to-Heart on the T Wednesday, Nov 21 2007 

I was on the red line back to Davis tonight when I began listening to the conversation of two guys next to me. They were cute, scruffy, college-aged guys, probably Tufts students.

They started out talking about relationships, and it escalated more and more — it turned into full Sex and the City talk! Among two scruffy college guys! I pretended to be listening to my iPod and eavesdropped on their conversation instead.

Guy 1: “How long have you been going out with Caroline?”
Guy 2: “Oh, man, two months.”
Guy 1: “How’s that going?”
Guy 2: “I don’t know. I mean, she’s great and all, but I just wake up feeling shittier and shittier each day.”
Guy 1: “Oh, that’s not good, man.”
Guy 2: “It’s like we both wished that this would be the greatest thing ever. I just hold and and I know this isn’t going to work.”
Guy 1: “No way.”
Guy 2: “It’s weird, you know? It’s like we go to stuff together, and we’re just there. We just BE together. We don’t do stuff with each other. We try, and there’s just this distance.”

Awww.

Later:

Guy 1: “It was weird. I was at the party and I was walking down the stairs. And then this girl who has been after me forever, she tapped me on the back of the shoulder, and I ignored her, so BAM! She slapped me in the head! Twice! What the fuck, man!”

Even later:

Guy 2: “You need the three S’s. Girls are only two of the following: sexy, sane or single. Man, if you get one of those two, you’re lucky.”

They were great — they made the train ride so much fun.

Some Thoughtful Quotes Tuesday, Jul 10 2007 

I recently finished Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love. What a wonderful book! I usually like to shy away from books that are being read by the masses, but I’m crazy about memoirs — travel memoirs in particular. As a memoir, it’s almost perfect.

I’m not going to go into too much detail, only to tell you to READ IT. It was so inspirational — the most inspirational book I’ve read since Rita Golden Gelman’s Tales of a Female Nomad (which my mom is reading and loving right now).

There are two quotes in this book that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about since.

The first:

“I am so surprised sometimes to notice that my sister is a wife and a mother, and I am not. Somehow I always thought it would be the opposite. I thought it would be me who would end up with a houseful of muddy boots and hollering kids, while Catherine would be living by herself, a solo act, reading alone at night in her bed….Against all predictions, we’ve created lives that tally with us. Her solitary nature means she needs a family to keep her from loneliness; my gregarious nature means I will never have to worry about being alone, even when I’m single.”
–Chapter 30

The second:

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it.”
–Chapter 48

Quote of the Day Saturday, Jun 30 2007 

“Damn it, Glynis, why are you always late? Put in your teeth and come down here!”
–Guy on his phone outside South Station

Quote of the Day Sunday, May 27 2007 

I got you so wet, it’s like a rainforest
Like Jurassic Park, except I’m your sexosaurus, babe
–The most brilliant lyricist of our time, R. Kelly

Some Amusing Tidbits Monday, Apr 9 2007 

First of all, HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY to my lil big sis Sars, who turns 19 today! I lub you so much!

Easter was quite nice. My dad and I spent a few hours with the extended family, including my grandmother, aunt and uncle (my dad’s sister and her husband), my cousins and their kids, my second cousins. It was really nice.

I spent a lot of time talking with my cousin Ashley, who is fifteen. I first shared the pictures and videos of Vanilla Ice (which my cousins LOVED), and then I was telling her and my grandmother about Sonic and what an amazing place it is. Then my grandmother wanted me to tell Ashley about college and how great it is, so I could be a good influence and all that (hehehe), so I started talking about studying abroad and all my experiences in Florence — and Ashley’s eyes positively LIT UP. She kept asking me tons of questions, and both she and my grandmother laughed hysterically as I told the story about canyon-jumping in Switzerland and how the first jump was so frightening that it made the guys in our group gasp with fear, and the one guy who tried to jump ten times but chickened out all but the last time, and standing on the edge and saying, “Oh my God,” over and over as the rope PULLED me!

But the moment of the day came from my ten-year-old cousin Lauren. Lauren has the most gorgeous hair — golden brown, hanging to her waist, and the bottom of it is more crimpy than curly. Rather than curls, it hangs in giant zig-zags. It’s beautiful. Anyways, my aunt (her grandmother) goes, “Lauren, your hair is getting so long.”

Lauren goes, “When I take a shower, it gets stuck in my butt crack!”

We were on the floor.

My dad and I went home a bit later, he picked Sars up from school, and we had some delicious steaks and watched a few American Pie movies, the tail end of Napoleon Dinamita (en espanol), and some America’s Next Top Model (Dad left the family room for that). I later dropped Sars off at school and drove back home.

Strangely, this was the first time that my dad’s house — the house I have lived in my whole life — felt kind of like a foreign entity to me. I kind of felt as if I were trespassing. And I was genuinely glad to get back to my place in Somerville, even though I have absolutely no groceries. I guess this is morphing into my new home — and it didn’t hurt that Chris Daughtry’s “Home” was playing on the radio as I pulled in.

In other news, I’ve been checking out my student loan payments closely. So far I’ve been paying regularly (it deducts automatically) without looking closely, but I now realize how much has been interest — and it’s been frightening!

I pay $120.00 per month. Along with a refund from Fairfield and the startup fee, I have paid $642.90 total — $400.76 of which is interest. That’s 62.3%. However, my percentage of interest has been decreasing. I’ve been doing the regular payments since January. Here’s how it has added up:

January: 100% interest, 0% principal
February: 85.25% interest, 14.75% principal
March: 72.85% interest, 27.15% principal

Wow. I am doing math, and it is making sense.

It seems that my percentage is reduced 14.75% either per month or per payment. I would imagine that it’s per month, but I’ll find that out when I call them tomorrow. I really want to understand this more, and calling them will help me with that.

April: 62.1%
May: 52.94%
June: 45.13%
July: 38.48%
August: 32.8%
September: 27.96%
October: 23.84%
November: 20.32%
December: 17.33%
January 2008: 14.76%
February 2008: 12.59%
March 2008: 10.73%
April 2008: 9.15%
May 2008: 7.8%
June 2008: 6.65%
July 2008: 5.67%
August 2008: 4.83%
September 2008: 4.12%
October 2008: 3.51%
November 2008: 2.99%
December 2008: 2.55%

In case you’re wondering, the original total amount that I am paying back is $18,084.58.

Don’t think that I’m not happy to do this. I am very happy and proud to pay this amount for my college education, after all that my parents sacrificed so that I could go to a great college. I’m the first person in my family to attend a private college.

Even so, if anybody leaves a comment along the lines of, “Wow, I don’t have to pay anything,” that officially makes you an ASSHOLE!

Amusing Quotes of Lately Wednesday, Feb 7 2007 

I keep meaning to post the quotes that I keep hearing lately, but I forget to put them up….here they are, beginning with two gems from today:

Curran (to a client on the phone): “How are you doing today?….Me, not so good. I just ate a ton of sunflower seeds and my stomach hates me….yeah, I eat the shells, too….”

Andrew (to the IT guy): “Um, just so you know, I accidentally clicked on a gay porn site yesterday….you know….in case it shows up on your screen today or something….”

Eddie: “Yeah, I gotta go cause I just ate a whole pie and I’m feeling kinda sleepy….”

Sars: “Papa John is a childless bachelor.”

Me (looking for leather shops for a client): “Look, this one’s a fetish store.”
Mike: “Maybe your guy wants to flagellate himself.”
Me: “Flagellate….sounds like flatulate.”
(long pause)
Mike and me: “Mehehehehehehehehehe” (Peter Griffin laugh)

(Probably the least funny reading it afterwards, but was, by far, the funniest at the time!)