An Open Letter to the State of California Monday, Sep 28 2009 

khloe-lamar

Dear California,

Khloe Kardashian got married last night.  She married Lamar Odom, a player for the Los Angeles Lakers, one month to the day after they met.

Why the rush?  Perhaps because her famous sister Kourtney created a media frenzy when she announced her unplanned pregnancy, then created a new mini-frenzy with dozens of pregnancy statements thereafter.  Khloe realized she could get the same spotlight, minus the stretch marks.

Why are they famous? Well, their sister Kim created a sex tape with Ray-J, pre-“Sexy Can I,” back when he was only known as singer Brandy’s brother.

kim-ray-j

Seriously.  The sex tape spun off into a reality show: Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

Anyway, due to her pseudo-celebrity stature, Khloe’s wedding was paid for by E!, the network on which her reality show airs.  250 guests attended, including E! celebrities Ryan Seacrest and Chelsea Handler.  The cost is estimated to be in the neighborhood of $1 million.

After a tabloid bidding war, the newlyweds will be paid $1 million by OK! for the rights to the photos.

No legal ceremony has taken place.  It may not even get that far.

GAY-MARRIAGE

And yet in the very same state, thousands of same-sex couples do not have the right to marry the people they love.  Though same-sex marriage was legal in California for a few months, it was voted down by a narrow margin by California voters last November.

I know that most people who vote against same-sex marriage, in California or elsewhere, are bigots.  Some of them just aren’t aware.  Many of them cite upholding the “sanctity of marriage” as a factor in their decision.

So, California, I’d like to write you a letter to thank you.

Thanks for taking away the right to marry to thousands of law-abiding citizens, California.  Thanks for denying it to people who want nothing more than to live their lives in peace.  Thanks for keeping it for only people who deserve to be married, like Khloe Kardashian.  She’ll be a great example.

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To the Fairfield Class of 2007 Sunday, May 20 2007 

Dear Fairfield Class of 2007:

First of all, big congratulations. I know you’ve been hearing a lot of crap along the lines of “You have done so much! You are so lucky! You have ACHIEVED!!” I really don’t want to add to that, but it’s true.

There are always going to be a few Fairfielders who hold a bitterness in their heart for being rejected from BC or Holy Cross, and they’ve never let go of it over the course of four years. It’s dragging them down, whether it’s instilled by their parents, comparisons to siblings, or deep-rooted inadequacy.

FORGET all that.

Do you know how incredibly lucky you are to have been born in America, the country where ANYONE can be successful if he or she works hard, and to graduate from Fairfield, a university that must be among the top 100 in the nation?

What if you had been born in rural China or Chad, an area where education is not supported?

You’re so lucky. Never forget that. When you’re going into job interviews, fretting over the wording of your internships or the difference between cum laude and magna cum laude, remember that.

Times can be bad, and times can be great, but overall, Fairfield is a great school that takes its academics and especially the Jesuit ideals seriously.

Also, if you survived senior week, you know exactly the same thing that I found out: that every minute of your drinking life, you were preparing your liver for THIS WEEK. You’ve pushed yourself to new levels. And if you’re still living, you know that you will very likely never do that to such an extreme again.

Now, it’s time for the jobs.

Since I graduated a year ago, I’ve learned some things about entering the workforce. I wish I had known them at the time, so please take a chance to read them.

–Don’t do a temp-to-perm job unless you’re passionate about the company and the position in particular. If not, you just end up working for less with no benefits and no vacation time.

–There is no shame in living at home right away. Most people do it, for a few months, at least, and the ones that don’t do it often have their parents partially paying for their apartments and living expenses. While that can be nice, do you really want to be living on your own, but not by your own financial means?

–Be mature, and be honest with yourself. Don’t get an apartment before you’re sure that you can afford it. Remember that you need first, last and security.

–You don’t have to get a job right away! Just because your business- and nursing-major friends have jobs lined up, it doesn’t mean you have to grab the first job that you’re offered. You probably got a TON of graduation money. Live on that for a while. Travel, if you can. This is your last chance to have a lot of free time.

–The best way to find job offerings is 1) through the websites of companies that interest you 2) through Craigslist. Monster.com and CareerBuilder.com require companies to pay to post jobs, so most of the jobs have high turnover or are difficult to fill for quality reasons.

–Your colleagues will become your very good friends, if you’re lucky. (My priority was to find a large company with lots of people my age. I did, and it’s great!) Enjoy your friendships, but also know when to draw the line between business and pleasure.

–Keep dreaming. Be unconventional. I’m planning my RTW — just because you’re working right now, that doesn’t mean you’re stuck until retirement!

–That being said, don’t believe what people say about the real world. It can be a lot of fun. I’m enjoying it. 🙂

I’m so proud of you all. Congratulations.

**EDIT**

One thing I forgot to mention is that it HURTS like crazy right now. I know. I spent my graduation lunch with my family in tears, just thinking about how much I would miss my friends and how I’d hardly ever see them again. I couldn’t stop crying.

It hurts. But it gets better.

Also, if you got tagged in this note and then untagged, I apologize; I tagged all of my friends in the class of 2007, then realized that facebook has a tag limit. So I downsized a bit. Apologies. But know that all of you are in my thoughts right now.

Another Open Letter to Britney Spears Friday, Jan 12 2007 

Dear Britney,

I tried.

You’ve gone too far.

It’s over.

Sincerely,

Kate, former fan

An Open Letter to Britney Spears Monday, Nov 27 2006 

To Britney Spears:

Britney, we love you so much. We want nothing more than for you to have that comeback that you deserve. We still hail you as the princess of pop music and the sex symbol we know you still had inside you!

And you gave us hope. When you appeared on David Letterman a few weeks ago, you were not only gorgeous — you were HOT!! And then divorcing Kevin — oh my God, what a JOYOUS day! The blogs were going crazy — even I was going crazy, riling up my coworkers the moment it happened! What an unbelievable moment! We knew it would happen, but we didn’t know it would happen then — oh god, WHAT A DAY!!!

And then you went out to dinner and looked HOT, and went ice skating and looked HOT, and you’re back with your old manager and you’re working with Pharrell on your new album!! Britney, the good times kept coming!!

And then the extensions came back.

And then you started wearing ridiculous clothing again.

AND NOW YOU CAN’T SPEND ENOUGH TIME WITH PARIS HILTON.

Britney, what the fuck?!?! You are spiraling downward so fast, you probably can’t see straight! DO YOU KNOW HOW GOOD YOU HAVE IT?! You have the world rallying behind you! Do you know HOW RARELY THAT HAPPENS?! You can take advantage of that so easily!

All you have to do is KEEP YOUR HAIR SHORT. It looks so nice without those extensions.

Wear some real, decent clothing.

AND GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM PARIS HILTON. The girl is a walking STD! She probably passes on a few crusty little bugs to everyone she touches! Come on, now. Even you have to know that Paris Hilton is a PR nightmare and a universally hated individual (by everyone except the witty if not impartial perezhilton.com). I’m serious. Nobody can stand her.

Britney….PLEASE….I mean what I said earlier — we want nothing more than for you to succeed!! And you’re partying in nightclubs, hair stringy and disgusting, WEARING NO PANTS! Come on, now! And I’m not going to start talking about the crotch shots….

Listen, if anyone on Britney’s team wants to hire me to do her PR, I guarantee you I would turn her around. Drop me a line. I mean it. This is what I can DO.

For starters:

–Release JJ’s baby pictures soon. People Magazine has been kind to you, and they’re unlikely to turn on you, even if you go to another magazine. Vanity Fair has been done (hello, Suri) and Vogue reportedly said no. Go for Rolling Stone. You’ve had a lot of moments with them. And do it for free, so K-Fed can’t profit.

–Get away from Paris. Stay out of Hollywood. Buy that home in Miami you were reportedly thinking about paying $30 million for, and make that your home base. And while you’re there, work your ass off on that album. Don’t write anything yourself — you know how embarrassing your self-written songs are — and let Pharrell take the album in whatever direction he wants. Try to get a duet with his buddy Snoop Dogg.

–Get a Miami-based stylist — one nearly unheard of in Los Angeles. Follow what she says RELIGIOUSLY. Become the poster girl for a line that epitomizes the culture in Miami — something hot and exotic, not as outlandish as Roberto Cavalli but not as demure as Chanel. Or maybe you could take a longtime brand and reinvigorate it — maybe Yves Saint Laurent?

–Stay single. And that doesn’t mean sleep around. Take a break from ALL men. Be mysterious. It’s better that way.

Britney, please. We believe in you. You can do this.

And if you don’t, your career’s over.

Sincerely,

Kate and The Rest of Your Fans

An Open Letter to Oldies 103.3 Friday, Nov 24 2006 

To the former holder of position #1 on my car’s radio:

What can I say? I’ve loved your radio station for years. The greatest hits of the sixties and seventies have always put me in a good mood, whether I’m coasting down the highway with my friends and singing to disco on Saturday nights or sitting stuck in traffic, grooving in my seat to a little Motown. Nothing overjoyed me more when I was driving back from my overnight at Fairfield and it turned out to be 70s Soul Weekend, all weekend.

Granted, you’ve had your missteps. I’m not a fan of the morning show, and there’s a particularly large amount of commercials. But I forgive you. I even forgive you of your most egregious offense: playing “I’ve Had the Time of My Life,” a song from 1987.

However, you’ve crossed the line.

Why have you replaced your usual programming with entirely Christmas music, 24 hours a day? Even before Thanksgiving?! Some Christmas music can be nice — I’ve always loved Donny Hathaway’s “This Christmas” — but when you’re drawing from such a narrow genre for such an intense period of time, it’s more than oversaturation. I can’t stand it. And I don’t know how your DJs stand it.

In the meantime, I’ve replaced the #1 position on my car radio with Mike 93.7. And you know what? I kind of like it. They play everything. And they have no DJs.

I really hope that I don’t get to liking this station TOO much, though, because I’m planning on switching back to you after New Year’s. And when that happens, you’re on probation. You’re on very thin ice, Oldies 103.3. Don’t disappoint me.

Sincerely,

Kate